Your Beleaguered Vocalist

 I take the mic and lean in while Paddy starts to thrum the monkeybar bassline to ‘Vapid Apathy’ and Vince kicks in with the accompanying drum beat.

“Folks, just to remind you, we are The Conifers. On guitar is Mr. Zack Anaphylaxis, our bassist is Hat Trick Patrick and on drums is Jacob the One-Legged Trapper…”

The crowd, lost in a haze of cigarette smoke and verbal fog, doesn’t react at all while I give them space in which to react, so I shrug inside and continue with the final address.

“And I’m Pseudo Proscuitto, your beleaguered vocalist for the evening. I want to thank you on behalf of the band for your tepid indulgence tonight.  We’ll play just one more song and leave you to your vapid apathetic sense of status quo...”