The Open Concept

So it’s all done. It’s all happened. We are safely moved into the new house. The one in the nice part of town just a few doors down from the river. The one with the wall to wall windows, the bathtub and the dishwasher. The deck that’s half the size of the house and the nice big backyard. We’re all settled in now. There are so many things that lend themselves to the beauty here. The way the many windows catch the light, especially the bedroom windows facing south. The expansive space of the open concept kitchen and living room. The warm ambience of the lights at night, the general sapience of my paintings and shelves of books. The aroma of Marie’s cooking paired with the sweet music of her singing.

In my last blog entry written when I was still in my second-floor bachelor apartment, regular readers will remember how I’d lost the trees that had given me so much pleasure in the seven years I lived there before my landlord had them razed for reasons that are still not apparent to me. That lot now is just a muddy parcel of bare earth. There probably couldn’t have been a more poignant sign that it was time for me to move. We, Marie and I, six months into our relationship, spent the Christmas holidays looking for apartments, having decided we wanted to cohabitate. We found a few units that were nice but, as the real estate market goes, they were snapped up quickly by other applicants, leaving us to surge on for other viewings. When we found this apartment, which is really the main floor of a house, we immediately knew we had to have it. I can tell you that the wait to see if our application had been accepted was torturous. But here we are now, and life is fresh and new.

It might seem like our relationship has moved at lightning’s pace and you’d be right. It’s true that there was a risk that we could be completely wrong for each other, where there would be some undisclosed flaw in one or both of us that would end up as a dealbreaker. Against the odds, no such flaws have materialized. Realistically, we are human and we have the requisite quirks that come with that humanity, but our puzzle pieces match together, quite miraculously, I would say. I now feel the last ten years are truly behind me, but maybe it’s a homecoming that goes back even further. Indeed now that I am returning home from work to meet Marie, sharing kitchen duties, talking and laughing through dinner then convening on the couch to watch an episode or two of Yellowstone or Love On The Spectrum, I am experiencing a homeyness, a hygge, a gezelligheid that I had not felt since living with my parents. It’s such a beautiful feeling. 

The only difference now is that this is all mine. Mine and Marie’s.

It’s something Marie and I have worked towards for quite some time, even individually before we'd even met each other. Now it seems to be paying off. It really feels like some kind of favour and grace is shining on us and we are so happy and grateful for it.

So when we feel such wealth, the most logical step is to share it. As the folk adage goes- “If you have more than you need, build a bigger table not a higher fence.” So we are willing to open our doors, offer our table, our chairs, our floors and our home. It’s true that the biggest joy I have now is having family and friends over. There is so much joy to be found in these events and the house lends itself to that. So now we have a plan to put that joy to good use.

A few weeks ago, Catherine Owen, a poet friend out of Edmonton had one of her home art salons, a series that she calls “The 94th Street Trobairitz”. She had long been interested in the concept of curated exhibitions of literature, art and music in her own home. Facebook photos of her events show happy patrons and performers appreciating diverse displays of art and the post-event comments are always glowing and positive. She does it partly as a service to the Edmonton art community and as an expression of love for her home which she affectionately calls “Delilah” and shares with her partner, musician Mucha Bee. Instilled with the same pride of place, I’d often thought of it myself, inviting other artists to do readings, showings and playing music in my space, even while my space was impossibly small at the time. Now it seems more of a possibility than ever.

I’d done it once before. It was supposed to be a poetry event in the loft of a bar called Sami’s in Welland, Ontario. It was my contribution to a series of events called the Niagara Literary Festival in 2011. I put myself in the local newspaper, posted flyers all around downtown and promoted it heavily on Facebook and invited poets who were all on tour at the time, from Hamilton, Ottawa and British Columbia.

No one showed up.

The other artists- one of whom was Catherine herself, having driven across the continental divide in a tightly packed smart car- they showed, of course. Rob McLennan, Gary Barwin, Monty Reid. They, and a couple others, all were there. Without an audience, we just ordered drinks, some food and read to each other, taking turns stepping up to the mic and sharing versions of our works. Because of them, one of my most humiliating failures were simultaneously one of the greatest nights of my life. We simply read to each other, drank, talked and laughed. It was wonderful and memorable.

So when Catherine posted news about her latest event, I mentioned that I would like to do the same. She was delighted to hear it and decided to make it the topic for Ms. Lyric’s Poetry Outlaws, her podcast which I listen to regularly and support through Patreon. In it and on the resulting Facebook post, she graciously mentions my name and presents some great resources for putting on a home salon paired with her own advice stemming from her own experiences and misfires. All of it informs me and inspires me to carry this idea through.

I talked it over with Marie and she loves the idea of opening our home for an art event. The open concept of our home would provide ample space for a small audience, especially in the warmer seasons where we can access our large deck and spacious backyard. So this is the plan. We are going to do this in the summer and hopefully again in the fall, inviting writers, artists and musicians to curate, read and put on performances in our home. I don’t yet know what I’m going to call it and am not sure exactly when we will make this happen. Rest assured that it will happen though. Keep your eyes open on my personal Facebook newsfeed and my business page: Kees Kapteyn - Author as well as keeskapteyn.ca, Threads, Blue Sky and Instagram.

This is going to be good!!

Tree Theatre

My second story bachelor apartment has a south-facing balcony entrance that looks over a wooded lot, which is actually part of the property that I rent. In that lot there grows an assortment of ash, maple and poplar, which I'm told by neighbours has grown wild since it became a rental property almost twenty years ago. What was once a manicured lawn is now a reclamation of nature and habitat for squirrels and numerous species of local and migrant birds. For the last six years, it's become a source of solace and joy for me. Every morning when the weather is mild, I will sit out on my balcony to sip coffee and watch the theatre of nature unfold in those crowded branches across from me. As I mention later in this blog entry: "Every morning when I sit outside I force myself to observe for a few minutes out of respect for my surroundings. I almost feel like the spirits have something to show me each morning and I should indulge them." Every morning I will sit, avoid my phone and give the trees my complete attention and without fail, something always happens that makes me smile.

The following is a journal that I've written in the last couple years about the rewards of my patience each morning and the drama of the natural world that I've fallen in love with.

May 25th 2022- A kestrel frequenting the area. I think it's a female from the way it lingers here, as if it has a nest nearby. Mama Kestrel at the top of the pine tree, a seagull flying by tries to swoop down in pester her. It gave it up when its buddy flies past.

May 26th 2022- A lone Crow lunges at a little Sparrow at the top of a telephone pole. The sparrow flies away and the crow gives Chase and one of the sparrows buddies flies after to assist. 5 minutes later, Mama Kestrel flies right in front of my deck. It has caught something and I can hear it's cry of distress. She flies to the top of the pine tree where she starts to pluck feathers from it. wow that's so fucking cool

May 28 2022- Two squirrels climbing to the top of a hydro Pole, the same pole where I have seen the kestrels perch on occasion. I've never seen squirrels climb this pole before. The whole kestrel family have been dive bombing these squirrels. Maybe they have a stash there that they are trying to protect. That would be the only reason why the squirrels would be going there.

May 29 2022- A flying V of geese flapping by as the sun was going down, and a medium sized butterfly zigzagging along in the same direction, towards the setting sun

June 2 2022- No sign of the kestrels for the last few days, though there has been a presence of crows lately. They had even been checking out the pine tree, specifically on the branches where the kestrel had brought some of its prey. Perhaps they’d forced the kestrels out. Such a shame, although I knew if the chicks were flying now, there’d be no real reason for the kestrels to stay in the area. I’m glad to have seen them and that I’d recorded what I’ve seen.

June 5 2022- Kestrels seem to be long gone now. A bunch of seagulls have been hovering around the area for a while. They are looking for something. Put on my hearing aids this morning because the sparrows are really chirping up a storm. Sometimes I am in awe at how much I miss when I don't wear my hearing aids. A cardinal is somewhere nearby as well.

June 8 2022- Three robins attacking a black squirrel in the poplar trees. Squirrel is desperately parkouring from branch to branch while the robins frantically divebomb him from all directions. The squirrel can’t use the trunk of the tree to hide as it usually would because the trunk is so smooth it can’t get a grasp on it, plus there are three of them. Obviously the squirrel committed some kind of transgression against the robins’ nest and is receiving due justice.

June 12 2022- A new bird in the neighbourhood. The size of a small robin, grey with a black crown, wings and tail. Google suggests this is a grey catbird, but I’m not certain because some catbird pictures it showed has a longer tail. Maybe it’s a juvenile? Cute little thing though.

June 13 2022- A pair of little red squirrels chasing each other in the poplar tree. One seems to be a mature adult as it has more coloring on it, such as a white belly and throat. For some reason I want to call this adult Minzie. I thought that was only one little red squirrel in the area and they would often make an appearance scuttling along the telephone wires behind the house come up and now I am seeing more and more. I am so glad to see them in the trees pulling off their insane parkour moves leaping recklessly from tree to tree. The catbird is back as well and I have noticed its tail is indeed long which confirms it's catbirdness.

June 14 2022- Young (med. size) raccoon has climbed the poplar tree and is trying to negotiate its way down its smooth sides, being very dainty and cautious about each step. Minzie squirrel scurrying across the telephone wire shoving past a robin that was perchedin front of it, much to the consternation of the robin. Catbird makes another appearance in it's usual place, on the fence in front of me. I think there are two, a male and a female - the male with a longer tail (?)

Later that evening - I caught a glimpse of a bird that I thought looked like our kestrel from the way it was flying. A few seconds later, a crow flew by and the bird flew up along this Crow then divebombed it falcon style. Definitely our Kestrel. Later on, I see two large birds flying at a distance. Judging by their short necks and blunt faces I'm assuming they were two owls. It's the first time I've seen owls around here, much less a pair of them. Also a robin and a catbird were having an altercation on the fence in front of me.

June 15 2022- The robins are having quite enough of the squirrels here. A black squirrel was tight roping his way across the telephone wire while a robin was fluttering underneath trying to peck at its feet. I've been hoping to see a Kestrel this morning but none have appeared as yet

June 22 2022- Five starlings all approaching around a light post. Menacing a robin at the top. Finally one starling harasses the robin away. The other four then try to join him on the perch and he just pecks them to go away. What a bunch of jerks

July 2 2022- Catbird remains in the area come up bringing food to a nest somewhere in the thicket of the

wooded lot. When it arrives, it perches on the fence and flutters its wings like a juvenile. I wonder what this behavior means. I also note that cat birds shit prolifically.

July 12 2022- Verified there are two catbirds here now. I am assuming a male and female as one is certainly bigger the other, though one could also possibly be juvenile offspring.

I also sighted a single firefly tonight. It was quite a coincidence because I was just looking out off the deck and hoping to see one and there it was. Serendipity!

July 14 2022- A crow morning. Several crow's arriving in the area. Some with tail, wing feathers missing. A couple seemed to be tussling on the roof of the building behind me. At one point there were four of them together on the fascia, surveying the neighborhood. More soon gathered together hidden from my view but once in a while going to the edge to look around.

July 16 2022- slept so much and went to bed so early last night that I was fully awake at 4:00 a.m. trying to get back to sleep to no avail. So I decided to get up and experience Beedahbun, the sunrise when the spirits are said to be most active. Sit outside in the darkness and listened to the home of air conditioners all around me, until I heard a faint chirp. I thought I'd better put on my hearing aids. As soon as I did I heard the frantic call of a cardinal. I couldn't believe I had been missing it. When I took my hearing aids off his call disappeared. I have been missing so much. So I sat and listened to his call, and then heard a crow that seemed to me answering back to him. After the Cardinal flew away there seemed to be more crows arriving and arguing with him. As the lite built in the sky, I tried to find where the crows were but I could not see them anywhere. They were often the trees elsewhere in the neighborhood. I cried a little bit from realizing how much I had been missing. The street lights went off and the world turned orange as the sun broke the crest of the horizon.

July 21 2022- Windy tonight. Five crows probably tired from fighting the wind stop in one of my poplars. They are still jostled in the swaying branches yet they poke and nudge at each other like hyper teenage boys. Finally they stop in a sturdier pine tree for a spell then carry on

July 25 2022- Two ravens, one in the pine tree, the other on the roof, with their delightful raspy croaks.

July 26 2022- One crow on the highest branch of an ash tree, calling out continually to three others on the apartment roof. When two from the trio flew by me, they almost collided and the larger one growled at the other, making me think it was a raven at first.

August 25 2022- Tree theater has been very quiet these last few weeks. Crows have flown by, but not stopped anywhere near me. The cat birds have moved on. There is a black squirrel that has become adventurous and started up my stairs while I was sitting having my coffee. But not much of note as actually happened. Today there was a raven that flew by with a crow. I don't know if the crow was harassing the raven or not but I can assume that it might have been, being what they are. I could tell their distinctive voices.

August 28 2022- the first V of geese flew very low overhead of the house. They were all very noisy and it seemed like no one knew which direction they really wanted to go and they kept splitting up and trying to regroup. Airborne chaos

Sept. 3 2022- Saw Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal together for the first time. He arrived first and perched on a wire then she arrived swooping very close to him but landing in a branch of a young poplar tree above him. Both content with at least being in proximity with each other, though it was only him that would turn a twitter at her and regard her in any direct way.  I personally hate that dynamic.

----------------------

July 6 2023- I wasn't going to write anything this year, but something very dramatic happened this morning.

The crows seem to be inhabiting the area more this year, which is nice because I barely ever saw them at all last year. Every morning when I sit outside I force myself to sit and observe for a few minutes out of respect for my surroundings. I almost feel like the spirits have something to show me each morning and I should indulge them. So this morning I did that, and being a little later in the morning I thought nothing was going to happen so I picked up my phone. In the moment I did that, a crow appeared and was flying directly at me and seem to change direction only when it noticed me sitting here. I took this as a the sign and put the phone down to be vigilant.

A couple minutes later, I heard a crow crying petulantly and then saw it fly directly in front of my balcony. It had something in his beak, but I couldn't make out what it was. Directly behind the crow were more crows, all pursuing the first, obviously trying to steal its prize away. They looped around the poplar tree and started flying away from me. As if having heard the commotion, some sparrows joined the chase. Apparently this was a big deal. For the next few minutes, crows and sparrows were flying all around and another Crow flew by with something in his mouth. Perhaps it was the crow that had retained his prize or it was another that had stolen it.

July 15, 2023- A squirrel has been frantically leaping from branch to branch, grabbing leaves and stalks of leaves aggressively this morning. I notice it's continually going back to the same spot in a crotch of the poplar tree. Is it making a nest? It makes me laugh every time it leaps from the nest to a branch on another tree. So agile and yet funny looking. It also makes me happy because now I know this squirrel is going to be hanging around.

November 22, 2023- Some very sad news. Yesterday when I returned home from work, I was met with an invasion of machinery tearing out the wood fencing surrounding the wooded lot. It seems my landlord has decided he wants to take all the trees and brush out and lay down some grass in their stead. He had mentioned it to me a few years ago and some workers had actually taken out a couple of the older trees that were threatening the phone wires that are drawn across the lot. I'd asked him to leave the two adult poplars and he did, saying that he would be clearing out the lot to make a lawn with a gazebo in the future. It never happened, until, evidently, today. I left for the gym for an hour and a half and when I returned the machines had made short work of the lot, tearing out essentially all the brush, including both my beloved poplars. I was shocked. When I trudged up the steps and looked back on the devastation, I felt like crying. Ever since my arrival at this apartment in 2017, I felt such solace looking out on this beautiful collection of trees and the characters that visited and lived in them were a constant source of entertainment. There was always such peace there. Now, the neighbour's piles of pallets and defunct cars are bare to me and at night, the full klieg glare of the new apartment complex behind me assaults my eyes. I feel like a cushion has been removed and the harshness of the urban world can reach me undeterred now. There is nothing to rest my eyes on anymore, nothing to ease my mind when I sit out on that deck. I have a girlfriend now and we will be moving in together in the next few months. I thought I would have to let that beautiful wooded lot go, but it seems stolen from me now. This will make the impending move easier, but I feel like I may never have a vista like that again. I'm glad that I kept this journal and that I've taken a few pics when something caught my eye.  I will miss it.

Debits and Credits in the Summer of 2023

 Too much TikTok, too many sausages, not enough exercise, not enough greens, too much time sleeping... how did I ever get so much done?

This has been an summer of excesses and deficits. I knew coming up to it there wouldn't be much money for big trips or major concerts attendances, so I kept my expectations modest. I'd paid ahead for a concert at St. Alban's Church to see Julie Doiron play, which is always a highlight (though I really wish I could have seen Robert Plant and Alison Krauss at Bluesfest!). Also paid ahead to see the new Syd Barrett documentary at the Bytowne Theatre and used my Scene points to go see Oppenheimer though I am waiting for its Greta-Gerwig-directed (and media-conjoined) counterpart to come out online, as much as I love Greta and everything she's done. 

To all these, I've been accompanied by a partner, one Marie-France, who has lured me out of my apartment for walks, meals and musical events, once witnessing Brian Greenway of April Wine in a open mic blues jam at The Atlantic Pub in Alexandria. Another highlight was the fireworks display put on by Casino du Lac Leamy from which we were sufficiently smudged in firecracker debris thanks to an errant gust of wind. There's also been deep-chasm pyrotechnics of the heart happening because of her, rumblings deep down, tunneling into cold rock, approaching my touchstone, shining like gold, radiating like uranium, flooding me like springwater. She's the kindest, most loving person I've ever met and she's like a kaleidoscope in my life now, adding colour and warmth, magnifying everything, including my own self.

In between this all, fighting distractions and impulses to sleep the day away, I've been working on the first draft of my novel LefTturn. All summer, I've been trying to smooth all these notes into a cohesive narrative, killing darlings and adopting kindreds chapter by chapter in numerical order, as a reader would encounter them, discovering incongruities and deficits in the plot, pruning paragraphs and transplanting them elsewhere or omitting them altogether (though retaining them in a file that I've actually labelled 'pruned paragraphs'). It was my aim to get all eighteen chapters smoothed out to at least resemble a complete novel and I managed to achieve that, almost perfectly in time. What what comes now will be a succession of passes over the script, tweaking and tightening. A tune-up, if you'll allow an awkward automotive analogy. And maybe by next summer I will have a polished product to show editors and potential publishers. 

Also on the literary front, I've also been creating query packages for my short fiction collection O Anthropos to send out to those aforementioned potential publishers, dedicating entire folders in my OneDrive to their specific guidelines, ready to go when their submission seasons open. I've paid money and brainstormed with many good people (thank you Zilla Jones and Janet Reid, especially) to get my query letter right so I can put my best foot and face forward without the two body parts colliding with each other.

This summer also saw the publication of two short stories in two different lit journals. The first was "Hour Nine" which was included in the latest issue of Flo. Magazine. The launch party was August 3rd to a capacity crowd at the Art House Cafe and though I was nervous before my turn to read, it was fun to inhabit my 'writer persona', tell a couple jokes and share the story with the room. It was so good to have Marie's soothing presence there as well. It would be the first time in all the years I've been reading in public that someone was there with me. 

The second story published this season is "Lion Argent", in the online journal NonBinary Review which has just come out this week. This acceptance was an especially happy one for me, as "Lion Argent" was my newest work, utilizing a new approach I'd been taking to my writing, getting more meta, and leaning more into postmodern influences. It was exciting to have the piece picked up on its first submission. It tells me I'm on the right path. Both magazines have links in keeskapteyn.ca if you want to purchase them.

So a summer of intense work of the heart and brain has been evened out with lazy, procrastinating days where I would spend them and part of the night at my desk, stationary and writing and/but distracted by TikTok, Facebook and a new account with the BlueSky platform (Twitter/X for progressives). All the while thinking if I have eggs and sausages every morning with a big meaty supper at the other end, skipping lunch would be a wise choice, but no. My gut was not happy with my fat-rich diet and my scale does not hesitate to remind me that I'd gained another 15 pounds. To make matters worse, a twenty-year old elbow injury was starting to become a 24-7 hassle, and a painful one at that until I smartened up and booked a physiotherapy appointment. Now I'm strengthening tendons and a group of muscles so this recurring nuisance will be the thing of the past it was supposed to have been.

So now merging into September, I'm about to start a new school year and I'm not left with a feeling that it went by too fast. Though I didn't spend much money, I still had a balanced summer with just the right levels of work and play, decadence and health, music and silence, solitude and good company.

It brings back a truth that always shows up in my life time and time again and it's why I always like to say, and I truly believe I've coined this phrase:

Life does indeed move in integers.

No

Limping into the New Year 2023

And here we are! It's another new year! The planet has closed another circuit of it's orbit around the sun and the numbers can all fall back to zero. The King is Dead, Long Live the King!

I can't say that 2022 was a bad year, nor was it a particularly good year. High points were the concerts I'd seen, especially seeing The Campfire Liar's Club at Pan Chancho in Kingston, where I was able to share a table up front with Joe Carscallen's aunt and uncle amd witness Paul Langlois and Gord Sinclair playing a Hip song together again. I was able to shake hands with Gord and talked to him briefly about how bad the mosquitoes were when he played a solo gig in Calabogie the month before. Other highlights were Great Lake Swimmers in a church in Manotick and Sarah Harmer at the CityFolk festival in Lansdowne Park.

In August, I took a short trip out to a cabin resort off of Weslemkoon Lake near McArthur Mills. I chose that location because, as per in a stargazing map, it is one of the darkest areas in Central Ontario. This would afford a view of some blazing stars and planets, which you just don't get to see living in a metropolitan area like Ottawa, or anywhere else in Southern Ontario for that matter. I was only given one night out of the three that were clear, but it paid off in spades. Sitting in a Muskoka chair down by the shore, I was able to see the Milky Way, had the stars shine so brilliantly I could almost hear them and I was able to catch a flyover of which I am mostly certain was the International Space Station. It was a beautiful night.

But not all was right with me for that trip. I'll admit now that I was not in a good headspace driving up to check in. I was nervous about finances (it all worked out), worried about whether my car was up for the trip (it was), and was fighting the black dog of depression. I'd been letting things pile up on me, embattled with low self-confidence with my writing and my overall worth as a person living alone in the thick of middle age, feeling my health and physical powers dwindling as time went on. I thought immersing myself in the stars, the solitude and the silence would be a good thing, but it turned out not to help much at all. To complicate things more, I had been looking forward to paddling out on the lake, which had always been a favourite thing to do, but on my first paddle I dumped the canoe before even leaving the dock and gashed my leg really bad. That totally blew my confidence away and I was left with nothing but spotty wifi and cable TV for entertainment. I had books there and had even brought my journals with me thinking I might get inspired, but I couldn't get my head there. It shouldn't have been that bad, but it was. When I finally got home, I curled up in bed and slept for 12 hours.

That troubled trip to the lake might have been a sign of the times because the latter half of the year was when things started to get heavy, with the labour troubles in November imposed on CUPE education workers in Ontario by the stingy yet greedy Ontario Conservatives, forcing our political hand to strike- illegally, if only for a weekend. It was fun being part of that movement, being with my coworkers and soaking up all the great support and honking horns of passersby. I was finally able to stick it back to Doug Ford. I pushed it too far though, staying a full 8 hours instead of my assigned 4 and in my fatigue ended up tripping over a curb, seriously pulling my hamstring. Seriously, is there a more stupid way to injure yourself (don't answer that!) The pain was such that I thought I was going to pass out. What followed was two weeks off from work and physiotherapy that still continues today. Compound that with flu episodes, dating misfires and my current flareup of gout from terrible holiday eating, you would think I'd be in worse shape. But thanks to supportive co-workers at my educational assistant day job, and my continuing work on my literary projects, I've been able to keep my head up, or at least keep my nose out of the water. I usually have a serious hate-on for early winter, but I've managed to keep it from sinking in too deep.

So...

 ... that concludes the Festivus segment of this blog post, now that I've fulfilled the annual "Airing of Grievances,"... Moving right along...

...Now for some literary news...

I've tried my hand at e-publishing with a novelette that I've been working on. The reason I'm thinking a novelette is that the story I chose- 'individe', is too long to fit into a short story collection or to submit to a journal, but too short to be expanded into a novel. I thought I would give Kindle a try since I thought I would have a better chance at selling copies there than through Kobo or anywhere else. There are some problems that I am seeing with using a Pixelbook with a Chrome operating system, which always seems at odds with Microsoft Word. And although I could upload from Word, the final product is off in its page separation. When I consulted Kindle about it they suggested getting an editing app called Kindle Create. OK so I did, and it's not compatible with Chrome. Agh! More grievances to air! OK whatever, so I published it with the wonky page breaks. Turns out it's okay after all, so there it is, put out in the world, its fly down, its hair a mess but ready to be read. You can find it on Amazon books if you want to see (buy!) it.

I've also created a new Facebook page to link up with my photography shop in my author website, keeskapteyn.ca. I've had a a lot of people saying I should sell prints of some of my photos, so I am going to explore this avenue along with all other projects I am working on.

My other works in progress are: self-publishing a short fiction collection that I'm calling 'holophrasis'. If the Kindle/Amazon thing works out, I will consider using that platform for this project as well. I am considering getting a new laptop that works on the Windows system to eliminate the compatibility problems I'm having so I can use Kindle Create. I may consider publishing a limited run of paperback copies if this works out as well.

Work continues on my LefTturn novel. I'm considering some new plot twists- how many plot twists are too many?- so when I am satisfied I've done what I can with the e-books, work will resume in earnest and I can have a second draft ready in the summer. I'm also checking out options for a solo writing retreat in the summer. I've some whacked out ideas, so it will be something if any of them work out. All this e-publishing, all my submitting to contests and journals, it's all really to pave the way for this novel when it's completed. I'm hoping I can have a name out there and the novel will come out with people already knowing who I am. That's what I'm hoping.

So it looks like 2023 has my work laid out for me. There's much to be done, for my physical health, for my mental health and for my literary aspirations. I'm serious about them all (because they're all serious with me), and I get the feeling this year is asking me to cash in on the work I've done as well as lay track for the future to come- the future I want, not the one that will come in like the weather. It's all there, I just need to get moving on it.

Notes for a Work in Progress

 He doesn't now why she still talks to him if she's moved on as she says she has. It's almost as if he were concerned for her and she wanted to reassure him, when all she actually does is reopen the wound with every interaction. 

He accepts it, simply because it flatters him to be remembered, that the relic of her past that he'd become still has meaning to her.

It keeps him clinging to her. It's the messiness of his severance from her. It wasn't a clean break from his side. There are still tendrils and tears left tattered and raw. Little bits of her still adhere to him while parts of himself were lost when she pulled away.

Progress into the Fall

 Spending the entire summer finishing the rough draft of my novel-in-progress LEFtTurn was a gruelling process at times. I often felt myself losing focus and literally just planting words to at least create a cohesive and continuous narrative, with the hope that the magic will come with the edit. I'm pretty confident I can make that happen, but I think I was pretty near my saturation point with the novel and I need a wee break from it before diving in and cleaning up for a next level draft.

But like I said in the long bio of my newly launched website keeskapteyn.ca , the obsession never rests.

I've turned my attention to finishing a novella that I had started some time ago, telling the story of two fraternal twin brothers on a road trip down into the United States. It started as a short story, but after finishing it, I kept seeing other avenues I could take with the story that would give it a non-linear narrative that I have been trying to perfect, owing to my influences from such authors as Mike Blouin and Mark Anthony Jarman. It's a challenge to make such a plotline work, but also immensely fun to consider, inhabiting an improvisational mindset, exploring detours and twists to a satisfying end. 

Once the novella is finished, I plan to publish it myself, dedicating my own funds to creating a quality hard copy that I would be proud to display at small press fairs and expos. If it succeeds, I'll consider publishing more pieces this way, while still trying to get my short fiction collection, and eventually my novel, published traditionally.

It feels natural now, getting these things done, writing, publishing, networking and promoting. It feels good to be on this path.

My Predictive Text Epitaph

 "Here lies Kees, he was a temporary to permanent."